Can Purell be used as lube?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
