i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
