I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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