I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
