yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
