As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
