can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
