I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
