Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
