Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
