just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
