My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
