Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
im six kinds of drunk right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
