my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
