btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
