i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
