i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
