i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
