There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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