Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
