Whod you bang
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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