I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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