$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
