Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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