And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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