i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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