She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
