how can u be prego again
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
bring money and cleavage
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
