He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
