Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
