I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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