At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
