just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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