meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
