I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize