In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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