pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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