In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
