she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
a search helicopter?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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