I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
