No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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