Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
