i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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