Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
