He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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