i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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