Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we're chasing vodka with high fives
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
