someone threw a dead crab at me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
