Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
