it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
