if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
