Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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