I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
