i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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