U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
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