So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
