how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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