there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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