i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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