508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
