My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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