This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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