Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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  (646): I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me http://tfl.nu/nl48
  Replies (20) Good night (4713) Bad night (960)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it

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  (614): if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it http://tfl.nu/vfj9
  Replies (5) Good night (3222) Bad night (637)
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  (420): View more from

  So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth

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  (420): So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth http://tfl.nu/5fuc
  Replies (18) Good night (1010) Bad night (6540)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

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  (413): He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m. http://tfl.nu/2wu4
  Replies (24) Good night (1361) Bad night (5017)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.

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  (484): The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread. http://tfl.nu/tsab
  Replies (1) Good night (2661) Bad night (730)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.

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  (931): My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake. http://tfl.nu/j2xw
  Replies (7) Good night (1462) Bad night (688)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.

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  (440): So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too. http://tfl.nu/fbz1
  Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (943)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'

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  (210): You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive' http://tfl.nu/9ya7
  Replies (4) Good night (1447) Bad night (545)
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  (457): View more from

  Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though

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  (457): Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though http://tfl.nu/vzyv
  Replies (8) Good night (1317) Bad night (554)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand

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  (509): My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand http://tfl.nu/ch2o
  Replies (15) Good night (2825) Bad night (570)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes

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  (780): Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes http://tfl.nu/7wy7
  Replies (6) Good night (550) Bad night (828)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness

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  (215): they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness http://tfl.nu/sk3k
  Replies (3) Good night (1742) Bad night (550)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men

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  (503): At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men http://tfl.nu/ey0x
  Replies (2) Good night (433) Bad night (324)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird

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  (778): And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird http://tfl.nu/xqlb
  Replies (2) Good night (343) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21

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  (443): You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21 http://tfl.nu/iggm
  Replies (1) Good night (496) Bad night (381)

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