Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
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you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.