He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
