I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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