I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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